Labels, they are hurtful more than useful
When you were young, did someone give you a label? Did you like it? How did you feel about your label?
Most of us would have received a label or two when we were young.
For unfathomable reasons, kids enjoy assigning different labels to their friends if they fall short of the norm. Most of these labels could be hurtful and even demeaning. They use derogatory words like "dimwit," "shorty," "porky," etc., to label others. This gives those giving out labels a sense of superiority or satisfaction.
Those at the receiving hand may be adversely affected and withdraw from socializing.
When I was young, I had a nickname. Nothing I did in particular; it just happened that my name sounds like a fruit. My classmate gave it.
Later, when I had an outbreak of pimples, I was given another name—crater face, a fate or term no one welcomes. Instead of empathizing with issues I was facing, I was given this unwarranted and unkind label. Already struggling with an issue beyond my understanding, I now had to deal with this self-esteem and mental well-being stress.
It would seem that labeling one another with absurd, derogatory labels is a common activity among kids. One can unwittingly be given a label for anything we do or don't do.
These nicknames may be given jokingly; sometimes they come from an argument, an embarrassing incident, or simply from some silly association, like my name.
To the child giving the nicknames, it may be nothing more than a few words. To the child receiving it, those words can follow them through school and beyond.
The giver of those labels does not comprehend how powerful those labels can be, how a label can have a life of its own and have a significant adverse impact on a person, including the giver.
1. Why Do Children Label Other Children?
Children are constantly trying to understand their social environment. They notice differences in appearance, behavior, academic ability, personality, family background, interests, and social status.
Children, like adults, use mental shortcuts to make sense of people.
It is easier to think "he's the naughty kid" than to understand why a child behaves differently in different situations. Labels make people appear easier to understand. But it is not necessarily accurate.
Once a child has decided that another child is "weird," "lazy," or "bossy," they may stop asking why that person behaves as they do. Soon, the label becomes the explanation.
The problem is that it not only affects one's self-esteem, but it can become someone's identity.
A child who gets one question wrong becomes "stupid."
A child who cries becomes "the crybaby."
A child who sits alone becomes "weird."
A child who does well academically becomes "the nerd."
A child who makes a mistake becomes "useless."
A single characteristic, behavior, or incident can suddenly become the way other children define that person.
2. How Labels Start in School
Labels do not always begin as deliberate bullying. Imagine a child struggling to answer a question in class. Another child whispers:
"He's so slow."
A few classmates laugh. Someone repeats it during recess.
"Come on, Slow!"
By the end of the week, several children are using the nickname. What began as one comment about one moment has become an identity. And if something else happens that can be attributed to that behavior, the children may now start interpreting that child's behavior through the label.
If he struggles with another question:
"See? He's slow."
If he takes longer to finish an assignment:
"Told you."
If he does something well, it may be ignored.
The label starts influencing what other children notice. This is one reason labels can become so powerful.
3. When Children Start Believing Their Own Labels
One great concern is what happens when the "victim" begins believing the labels themselves. Imagine hearing repeatedly:
"You're stupid."
"You're ugly."
"You're weird."
"Nobody likes you."
At first, a child may reject it. But after hearing something repeatedly — particularly from people whose acceptance matters to them—they may begin wondering:
"Maybe they're right."
"Maybe there is some truth in what they are saying."
A label that originally existed in the playground can gradually become part of the child's internal conversation.
"I'm not smart."
"I'm not good with people."
"I'm the weird kid."
"Nobody wants me around."
This is where labeling can become more than an unpleasant school experience. It can adversely affect how a child sees him or herself.
4.Even "Positive" Labels Can Have Consequences
Interestingly, not all potentially limiting labels sound negative.
"The smart one."
"The pretty one."
"The sporty one."
"The responsible one."
"The talented one."
These may sound like compliments. But they can create "pressurizing" expectations.
A child known as "the smart one" may become afraid of getting something wrong. A child known for sporting ability may feel embarrassed when they perform badly. A child constantly praised for being "the responsible one" may feel that asking for help is a sign of weakness.
There is nothing wrong with praising children. But we need to understand the distinction between recognizing something they have done well and making that quality their entire identity.
Instead of:
"You're so smart."
We might say:
"You worked hard on that problem."
Instead of:
"You're the best artist in the class."
We might say:
"You put a lot of thought into that drawing."
The emphasis shifts from identity to behavior, effort, and growth. In her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck shares a well-known experiment where two groups of children were praised differently-one was praised for intelligence and the other for their effort.
When subsequently confronted with more difficult tasks, the effort-praised children were more willing to choose challenging problems, persisted longer after setbacks, and ultimately performed better. The intelligence-praised children were more inclined to protect their "smart" status by avoiding difficult tasks and showed poorer performance following failure.
Labeling, Teasing, and Bullying Are Not Always the Same
It is also important not to treat every label as bullying. Children tease each other all the time. Friends give each other nicknames.
Some labels are affectionate and welcomed by everyone involved. For example, in Thailand, everyone has a nickname, as their native names are long and a mouthful to pronounce.
Context matters. A useful question to always ask is:
How does the person receiving the label feel about it?
A nickname that makes everyone laugh — including the person receiving it — is very different from a label that embarrasses, isolates, or humiliates someone.
Children need to understand that:
I was only joking" does not automatically make something harmless.
Intent matters. But impact matters too.
Today's Classmate May Be Part of Tomorrow's World
There is another lesson worth teaching children. School feels like their entire world when they are young. But it isn't.
The classmate sitting beside them today could eventually become a colleague, customer, business partner, neighbor, employer, or friend.
The quiet child could become a leader. The child struggling academically could build a successful business. The awkward child could become someone they deeply respect. We rarely know how people's lives will develop.
That is another reason to be careful about defining people too early.
Keep your mind open about people. They may surprise you.
On the flip side, one day when you need their support or help, they will remember how they were shabbily treated when they were younger.
As the adage goes, people remember how you made them feel. And they might decide to "repay" the favor or turn their face not to face you.
Conclusion
Labels may start innocently. They could, however, morph into something detrimental and even deadly later. For those who already have low self-esteem, these labels might even take them to a new low. Some will resign themselves to the labels and start living it out. Hence, it is important to be mindful of the impact our words can have on others and to treat everyone with empathy and respect.
A label may take only seconds to give and give one a momentary sense of superiority or satisfaction, but it can take years for someone to forget it. In the long game, it may hurt the giver as much as the receiver.
Learning not to label others is about more than teaching children to be nice. It is about helping them become more thoughtful about the way they see, interpret, and respond to the people around them.
A child who learns to pause before calling someone "weird," "stupid," "lazy" or "different" is learning something much bigger: **not everything is as it first appears, assumptions are not always facts, and there may be more to a person or situation than what we initially see.**
These are skills children can carry with them as they grow. They can help them navigate friendships, handle disagreements, recognize social pressures, make better choices, and engage more positively with people who may think, behave, or communicate differently from them.
Introducing Savvy Kids™
This is part of what we aim to develop through, Savvy Kids™, a Savvy Academy program designed to help children build practical Savvy Intelligence for everyday life.
Rather than simply telling children what they should or should not do, Savvy Kids™ helps them develop the thinking skills to better understand **people, situations, and the consequences of their choices**.
Through age-appropriate activities, discussions, and real-life scenarios, children learn to become more observant, question assumptions, consider different perspectives, engage with people more thoughtfully, and choose responses that are appropriate to the situation.
Because children will eventually encounter situations where a parent or teacher is not there to tell them what to do. They will need to read the situation for themselves.
They will need to decide whom to trust, when to speak, when to listen, how to respond to pressure, how their actions may affect others and what consequences could follow from the choices they make.
That is where being savvy matters.
Savvy Kids™ is about preparing children not just to know more, but to navigate their world better — with greater awareness of people, better interpretation of situations, and more thoughtful responses.
And perhaps the next time someone is quickly labelled "weird," "slow" or "different," a savvy child might be the one who thinks:
"Maybe I don't know the whole story yet."